Brain fog!

In the journey of recovery from CFS I’ve had to do a lot of work learning to trust me body. I’ve learnt to listen to the signs it gives me and respect its limits. It’s not the easiest thing to do, and I still have moments where I push a little to far, but we are now working together instead of against each other.

For me one of the hardest parts is still the brain fog. I’ve learnt to trust my body, but my mind can’t always be relied upon! Just last week I put a load of clean, dry washing back into the machine instead of the dirty pile next to it. When I realised an hour later I was livid with myself. However, that isn’t productive. It doesn’t stop me from doing the same thing this week.

With my gradual build up of time at work, the brain fog has been my biggest anxiety. As an assistant I need to be vigilant and on the ball, if I’m easily confused or making mix ups, how can I do my job? I’ve had to accept that sometimes I’ll make mistakes. Perhaps they are mistakes I would have made before I became unwell, but now I am much more focused on them and taking them more to heart. The truth is everyone makes mistakes. The more energy I put into worrying about making them, the less I have left to try to do my job in the first place! Objectively I am fine 99% of the time, but by focusing on that 1% I make it seem so much bigger and more frustrating.

The best solution I have found is to slow down. When I rush myself I am more likely to mess up, so I have to resist the urge to be a whirlwind of productivity and focus on each task one at a time. I also try to leave time to double check things once I’m finished. I accept that I am human and I won’t always get it right, but by setting up my day to give me the best chance of catching any mistakes, I am setting myself up for success. If I just fret about what my limitations are I am choosing to do less, and that isn’t what I want for myself.

The Background

So who are you and why are you writing this blog?

Great question nonexistent person! I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue (CFS) in 2016 after a year of bouncing around NHS departments. In the last two years I’ve tried lots of different things to get back to good health, and I’m now in the process of going back to work.

As a ‘spoonie’ (a chronic sufferer slang word I love dearly), I’ve learnt a lot about myself and my outlook on life. I recently wrote a blog for my work about mental health in the workplace and I really enjoyed sharing my thoughts. Not that anyone who knows me would be surprised by that, I do love the sound of my own voice!

Jokes aside, I am hoping that by sharing some of my thoughts and experiences, at least someone out there in the wide web will feel like they aren’t alone, and that they can have hope of getting back control of their daily life, even if it’s just a little bit (we spoonies are very into small victories).

So welcome, and I hope that even if I’m not helpful, I’m a little thought provoking!

All views are my own, based on my experiences.
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